How Do We Keep Our Love Alive?

Akashi X Reader X Kuroko
Final Pairing: Akashi X Reader
[Oneshot]

"I can't wait till we get a house." you mumbled to yourself, attempting to organize the apartment room you and Akashi shared. In a few months, the two of you would be officially husband and wife, so all your wedding related items were stuffed into the already crammed closet.

There was barely any space to move around in and finding your things took more time than usual, so you decided to rearrange it. While you were moving around the bride's maids' gifts, your thoughts drift to last Saturday night.

--

You, Momoi, and Riko had just finished your late night movie outing, walking back to your respective cars until the pink haired girl spots her childhood friend. The three of you were across the street from a series of bars, seeing Aomine, Kagami, Kuroko, Kise, and a few other of their basketball buddies walk out from one of them.

Your four guy friends were done for the night and you offered your help by bringing Kuroko home. You had his arm over your shoulders, supporting his gait as you walk up the stairs to his apartment room.

You swipe the key from his pocket, unlocking the door and continue to carefully bring him to his bedroom. You brought him a water bottle for him to stay hydrated with, making him as comfortable as possible.

"C'mon, keep drinking. You don't want to get a hangover, ne?" You encouraged him to take more sips.

"Mmm...__(y/n)-chan..."

"Hai, hai, it's me." While seated on the edge of his bed, you feel him bury his face against your shoulder, arms loosely wrapped around your waist. You stiffened at the sudden shift in position, but you should have expected him to not sit up straight for long.

"O-oi, T-tetsu-kun."

"How come you didn't answer me?"

"Huh?"

"You didn't respond to me...why?"

"Tetsu-kun, I have no idea what you're talking about." You sigh quietly, figuring he was drunk or sleep talking. "You should try and res-"

"Did my confession scare you?"

"Wait, what? What confession are you talking about?" It was useless. He wasn't even replying to your own questions.

"I really love you..." His arms tightened slightly, pressing his face further and feeling his lips tickle your skin.

"Tetsu-kun..." You frown, wondering what was going through his mind. You carefully place him back on the bed, knowing he couldn't sleep on you like that. Your concern for the blue haired boy was conflicting your stay, but you knew you had to go home. You hated that you had to leave Kuroko alone like that, but  he wasn't in a threatening situation.

Besides, your red headed fiancé would worry if you didn't return to his arms.

--

'Did my confession scare you?'

'I really love you...

His words resonated inside your head, trying to make sense of his questions. Kuroko hasn't mentioned anything the next day so you thought that he was probably dreaming.

'Ehh? So, maybe Tetsu-kun was dreaming about a girl he liked? But it sounds like it didn't work out...I wonder who he loved?'

You tilt your head slightly to the side when you find a familiar, white book on one of the shelves. You pull it out carefully, smiling at the golden words imprinted on its cover.

Teiko Middle School.
Class of __(year).
Akashi, Seijuro.

A rush of Teiko memories widens your smile, amazed at how your friendships stayed intact. You then see something slip from the book when opened, lifting an envelope closer to your face. You place the book down as soon as you see the letter was addressed to you, curious as to what its contents were.

Dear __(y/n),

I apologize that it's only now that I'm taking action for my feelings. I was afraid that I was going to ruin our wonderful friendship. But I'm selfish and want more. I want to be yours. I want to be your reason to smile and laugh. The one who you look for during your dark moments. The person who you wish to be closely held by. I want to be your everything.

This letter is not enough to describe how I truly feel for you. After school, I will be waiting for you at the rooftop. There, I can properly give my heart to you as well as listen to your response.

Love,

Kuroko, Tetsuya

At the sight of your admirer's name, Kuroko's sleep conversation was beginning to make sense.

'How come you didn't answer me?'

'You didn't respond to me...why?'

'Did my confession scare you?'

'I really love you...

'That's why he asked why I didn't respond. He was asking me why I didn't reply to his feelings, to his confession. But why...why didn't I see this? Why don't I remember? I know I definitely would have given him my answer! I don't understa-'

Staring at where the letter originated from, your heart pounds heavily at the reason for the letter's lack of delivery. The note was in Akashi's year book. There's no way...no way it was there by mistake.

Your hands tremble at the thought of Akashi harboring this envelope, not comprehending why he kept this from you. Your heart aches at what Kuroko went through and what he truly thought of you. An image of his Teiko self flashes in your mind, your __(e/c) stinging with tears as you imagine the loneliness, the anger, and hurt Kuroko felt.

All this time, Kuroko had thought you didn't like him the way he did with you. And without confronting or severing your bonds, he quietly shouldered the heartache. You heard Akashi's voice from the front door, immediately rushing out of your room so that you could voice everything you felt.

"Tadaima. Have you eat-" He frowns at your upset look, presenting to him the envelope.

"What is this, Sei-kun?"

"Where did you find this?" His eyes seem to glare at the small paper, recognizing the item. His heart pumps quicker than normal not only from remembering what was inside the envelope, but also at how his secret was found out. Akashi knew you would not be pleased and was currently preparing his answers for the upcoming argument.

"I found it in our closet while I was trying to clean it. Tell me, did you know about this? Why was it in your year book?"

"Yes, I knew about it. I was the one who found it."

"And you didn't say anything to me at all?"

"It would have been a waste of your time."

"Who are you to decide that for me? I make my own choices! How could you lie to me about something so important?"

"__(y/n), you shouldn't be so upset over something insignificant from years ago. And I only did it to secure what is rightfully mine." Akashi begins to place the letter in his jacket pocket. You quickly snatch it from his grasp, holding it close to your chest.

"I have every right to be upset!"

"Why? Are you not happy with the way things are now?"

"No! I'm not! I'm so...so angry at you! Disappointed! Hurt! How could you?" His eyes widen slightly at your reaction, not used to people scolding him so easily.

"It was for the both of us."

"I still deserved to know."

"Our wedding is coming up soon, I believe we should focus more on that, not the past."

"As of right now, there is no wedding."

"Why are you worrying over something meaningless from when we were middle schoolers?" Akashi was beginning to become upset at how the quarrel was progressing.

"Because Tetsu-kun was my first love!" Your voice cracked from the sudden raised pitch, droplets of your pain descend from pools of __(e/c). Akashi stares at you with surprise, your words immobilizing his body while pain strangles his heart. You moved quickly, grabbing your keys and purse before dashing out of the apartment.

--

Kuroko smiles down at Nigou, petting his head after filling his bowl with food and water. The dog yips happily at his owner before digging his snout into his dinner. Kuroko lifts his head towards the door when he hears a series of knocks. He walks to the entryway, being greeted with a sudden hug once the door was opened.

"Tetsu-kun! I...I..He..I-" You sobbed into his chest, holding tightly onto his shirt.

"__(y/n)-chan? What happened?" He frowns, panicking at his assumptions. He brought you inside immediately and set you on the couch as you still held onto him.

"Are you all right? Are you hurt?" You wouldn't lift your face from his chest, thinking that someone had physically hurt you.

"I'm sorry, Tetsu-kun. I'm so sorry."

"What do you mean?"

You finally released his top, tears continuing to fall at their own will. You take out the letter from your bag, Kuroko gasping quietly at a reminder of his unanswered confession.

"I found it in Sei-kun's yearbook while I was cleaning our closet. He admitted he took it, but I don't understand why he never told me. Tetsu-kun, I'm sorry. Had I known, I would have met you at the rooftop. I wouldn't have just left you there like that. But why didn't you say anything to me when I didn't show?"

That one question he always pondered on was finally answered and a flood of emotions was released. The bluenette embraced you tightly, whispering your name and hiding his face in your neck.

"Because I was afraid. I didn't want to change our friendship. When you were acting like your usual self, I figured that's what you wanted."

"I wouldn't leave you like that. You went through so much and I...I just continued on without knowing anything. I'm so stupid."

"It's not your fault, __(y/n)-chan. You didn't know. At least, now I know why. But what about Akashi-kun?" Remembering your fiancé, he pulls himself away from the hug.

"I told him there's no wedding right now. I'm too mad and hurt to speak to him." You sighed, laying further back into the couch. "Can I...stay here for a while? I just don't want to go home. If not, that's fine."

"Of course. You're always welcomed."

"Thank you." You smiled sadly before resting your temple on his shoulder. "You know, I would've said yes."

"I'm happy that you didn't completely hate me then."

"Of course not! Tetsu-kun, you were my first love."

A burst of happiness flares up in his chest, looking into your eyes. He gently strokes your cheek and you lean against his palm, placing your own hand over his.

"I was?"

"Yes, that's why I was so angry at Sei-kun."

"You were my first love as well and you still are." Kuroko whispers softly, bringing your hand up to his lips to leave a soft kiss. A variety of emotions causes a thump in your chest and a knot in your stomach, never having been this close to Tetsuya. As you stare into his sky blue eyes, you jump slightly at the blaring ringtone from your cellphone.

You quickly silenced the song, but still stared at the screen as if debating on your next move.

"What's wrong?" You hear Kuroko.

"It's Sei-kun." you sighed, placing the phone down on the table. "He's calling, but I don't want to talk to him right now."

"He's probably worrying about you. You should at least tell him you're safe."

"Fine...I guess." you mumbled, grabbing your phone again to message him that you were fine, but you didn't tell him your location. He'd probably try to get you to go home with him.

"Anyway, did you eat yet? Let me order some food for us." It was past dinner time and you hadn't eaten since lunch.

"I didn't eat yet, but I have some leftovers if you want to try?"

"Sure. Anything is good with me." You stood up, walking with Kuroko to the kitchen to prepare your meals.

--

It has been about three days since your argument with Akashi, the red head becoming increasingly agitated and troubled the more you were not around. You only kept him updated with your wellbeing, but not your location. It was frustrating to not have you home, but you had requested the emperor to give you space. As much as he wanted to find and carry you back to the apartment, he couldn't go against your wish.

Akashi had also used the time alone to think. He still believed what he did was right, but he knew you would want him to apologize and give him a thorough explanation. He would easily give you one, but you also wanted time to yourself. His heart beats faster than normal, wondering if this letter was giving you second thoughts about your wedding.

To cancel the wedding for a stupid paper? No, you wouldn't do that.

Right?

The shogi player sighs loudly, attempting to sleep for the night. Akashi needed to trust in your love and he was trying to convince himself that everything will go like he wanted; what you both wanted.

Yes, everything will go as he intended. Anyone that gets in his way, he'll kill them, no matter who it is.

Since he always wins, he was always right.

He was absolute.

His eyes widen slightly after reflecting his last few sentences. Akashi shakes his head before taking a deep breath. His other half was trying to take control again. No, he wouldn't allow it. That is not the man who you'd be proud of, even if you say that you'd love him unconditionally. Akashi didn't want you to see that poor side of him anymore.

Your fiancé allows his mind to wander, hoping that in a few short moments, he would be able to enter the dreamworld. Instead, his consciousness brings him elsewhere.

"Ne, Sei-kun, I can't sleep."

"What's wrong?" He opens his bi colored eyes to glance at __(e/c) ones.

"I don't feel comfortable." You were having a hard time finding your cozy spot. Normally, you didn't have this problem, but it was one of those nights where you were restless.

"Here." He brings you closer to him, your head resting on his chest.

A few moments later, "I still can't sleep. My neck is starting to hurt, too."

He lets a small sigh slip through his lips, maneuvering the both of you so now you were on your sides. Akashi lets you lay your head on his arm, his other now over your waist. You see him frequently clench his hand and rotate his wrist, raising a brow at his actions.

"What's wrong with your hand?"

"My arm is falling asleep..."

You immediately removed yourself from him, returning the circulation in his arm. You stayed on your back, silently cursing at your constant discomfort. You glance at your lover, an idea appearing and encouraging you to try it. Akashi suddenly felt his entire body being turned to his other side, arms caging him tightly. You burrowed your face in his neck, smiling at the new position.

"This is so much better." He hears you say and awkwardly blinks at the situation. Shouldn't it be him holding you instead? The red head lets it go when your soft snores indicate that your body and mind was finally in its peaceful state. He mentally chuckles at himself, reflecting on how much he loved you. He loved you so much that he didn't mind being used as your personal body pillow.

"Mmmm....love you, Sei-kun..."

"I love you, too, __(y/n)."

He unknowingly pivoted onto his right flank, opening his eyes to the painful reminder of his missing fiancee.

--

Badump.

Badump.

Your breathe was stolen by a heavy and quick passing pain in your chest, the red headed emperor being the first person you think of.

'Sei-kun...'

You became concerned for his well being and questioned the sudden worrisome feeling.

"__(y/n)? Are you all right? __(y/n)?"

"Eh? Sorry, what happened?"

"I was asking how your day was, but you weren't answering. Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah! I'm fine. Sorry, I thought I forgot something at work. Eheh, but my day was fine. Not too busy. And yours?"

"There wasn't anything in particular that stood out. It was the same as usual." He smiles, arms sliding underneath yours and wrapping around your figure. It has been like this since you temporarily stayed with Kuroko. He would always hold you and once in a while plant a few kisses on the back of your hand. He was just so happy that his feelings were finally known and that you admitted he was the one who you fell for first.

You did nothing more than that since Kuroko didn't want to cause anymore of a strain between you and Akashi. Besides, he could see how stressed you were with your complicated relationship so his gestures were for comfort. Or was he using that as an excuse to hide the fact that maybe deep down, he wanted to take you away from Akashi?

Kuroko wanted to start from what should have happened between the two of you. What would yours and his love story be like?

Before it became too further into the night, you both rest for tomorrow's schedule. Kuroko presses your back against his chest, nuzzling his nose into your neck. A small series of giggles echoes in his ears after lightly pecking your shoulder, Kuroko smiling at your reaction.

"Oyasumi, Tetsu-kun."

"Oyasumi, __(y/n)-chan."

You stare at the ring on your finger, your fingers playing with its shining band. You pull the ring off, moving carefully closer to the nightstand you were facing. Your thoughts revert back to the chest pain earlier and Akashi's face is imprinted in your mind again. You glance at the ring once more before returning it to its spot. You brought your left hand to your chest, attempting to clear your mind so you'd be able to properly sleep.

Kuroko had caught your hesitation and frowned at realizing that you would eventually have to leave his side. Right when he was beginning to get a taste of how it was like being with you, it would have to end soon. He tightens his hold slightly, almost as if it would help to keep you with him.

--

Kuroko wasn't able to get much rest, constantly waking up during the night. He had the day off today, but he busied himself with errands. He felt exhausted, but when he'd return home, he'll take a nap to replenish his energy. While going over what needed to be done for the day, his eyes spot a familiar head full of red hair walking his way.

Both men stare with surprise at the unexpected meeting, but each exchange a hard look.

"Why did you do it? Why did you hide my letter?" Kuroko is the first to speak, harboring so many questions to throw at the ex Rakuzan player.

"To ensure that __(y/n) would be mine and mine alone."

"You had no right to. You knew I loved her, yet why?"

"Because she deserves better and I know I can give her everything that she wants and needs, plus more."

"She loved me back. Don't you think that is unfair to not only me, but to her as well?"

"Your relationship wouldn't have lasted."

"And how would you know that?"

"Because I'm always right. I love __(y/n) just as much as you do, no, more than you because I did everything in my power to destroy any obstacle that would be in my way."

"If you love her as much as you claim and you're confident that you're the better choice, then you shouldn't have felt the need to keep my confession a secret."

"And if you love her with all your being, you would have done exactly what I did to make her yours."

"At least I love her enough to respect her feelings and be honest with her." His cerulean eyes emit a cold glare at Akashi's fiery gaze before your fiancé abandons their conversation first.

--

"Tadaima, Tetsu-kun!" Kuroko hears you at the front door, glancing at the time and realizing how quickly the day passed. Ever since his encounter with Akashi, he has been thinking about yours and his situation. He knew you and Akashi couldn't be fighting forever, so Kuroko has made his decision to help you.

"How was your day off?" You smiled at the phantom sixth player, greeting one another with a quick hug.

"Good. I was able to finish my errands. How about you?"

"Not too bad! Anyway, what do you want for dinner? My treat!"

"Actually, I want to talk to you about Akashi-kun."

"Oh..." you frowned at the topic change.

Kuroko's heart was pounding uncontrollably against his ribcage, still feeling unprepared for what he was about to say. He wanted to keep you to himself a little longer, but Kuroko knew he had to do what was right.

"I think you should talk to Akashi-kun."

"But I'm not ready to see him." You mumbled, looking away with a stubborn expression.

"I know, but I think it's time for you to go back to him. He misses you."

"Or maybe you're getting tired of me?" You pouted.

"Of course not, __(y/n). I would love to have you stay here, but you're meant to be with Akashi-kun."

"Huh?"

"I know you're still upset with him, but you still love him with all your heart."

"How can you tell? You're starting to sound like Sei-kun and how he talks about knowing everything."

"By simply looking into your eyes and your actions. I can tell there's a part of you that feels conflicted. Also, you haven't once taken off your ring and every time you glance at it, you seem to have this longing look."

Wide __(e/c) stare up at your first love and how accurate he was with his observations.

"But what about your letter? Aren't you curious as to what it would be like if we were together?"

"Are you saying you're willing to leave Akashi-kun for me?"

"I...well, I...I..." You were having difficulty answering him, your eyes quickly filming over with tears. "I just don't want you to hate me..."

"__(y/n), I could never." He embraces you tightly. "I love you, which is why I have to let go of the 'what if's'. You and I both can't keep wondering how it would have been like had Akashi-kun not interfered. You and Akashi-kun are too deep into your relationship and I don't want to be the one to spoil it. You're about to enter a new stage in life with him. I want you to be happy."

"But what about you? I hate the fact that you were hurting so much and I was stupidly and blindly acting as if everything was fine. I would have gladly made you happy, Tetsu-kun. I feel responsible for your pain."

"You weren't the one responsible. If anything, it was Akashi-kun's, but had I been in his position, I might have done the same thing. I lost my chance, but that doesn't mean I stopped loving you. And I want you to stop feeling responsible and that you have to make it up to me. You don't have to do anything. Yes, I was sad in the beginning, but seeing how much you glow around Akashi-kun, I'm fine with just that."

"We could have been happy together, too." Your words choked on the impending tears.

"I know, but how we are right now, I'm still glad. Aren't you?"

"Yeah, I am. It's just-"

"We can't keep thinking about the past. We need to move forward." He places a small amount of distance between the two of you, Kuroko wiping the tears that were flowing from your pools of __(e/c). You feel him hold up your head slightly towards him, intending to steal a kiss that he has been dying to know its sensation.

Were they as soft as he imagined?

Would they fit perfectly against his?

How sweet and addicting would your kiss be?

Would he able to have his own fireworks experience, too?

He felt so torn. His heart wanted to build a fairy tale ending with you, but his conscience knew it wouldn't be right to pressure you into leaving Akashi. It was too late for him. He just had to accept it.

An inch before his lips make contact with yours, he quickly changes direction and gives your forehead a loving kiss. He sees a small amount of disappointment in your eyes, but most of you was relieved he didn't go through with the kiss. That confirmed the difference between your feelings for him and Akashi.

"Tetsu-kun, although we lost our chance in Teiko, I will always be here for you and you'll always be my first love. I know that you'll be able to find someone better than me to be your one and only."

"There will never be anyone better than you, __(y/n), but thank you. You can always count on me as well. Now, go, before it gets too dark out."

"Thank you for everything, Tetsu-kun." You hugged him tightly before dashing out of his apartment. He looks out the window to make sure you were all right on your own, seeing you run down the block. A sad smile stretches Kuroko's lips, his temple leaning against the glass pane.

It's impossible for him to find another love since you've always had his heart.

--

You were avoiding people through the small crowd, excusing yourself every time your shoulder hit against an individual. You were heading towards the direction of your apartment, but nervousness begins to slow your pace.

What were you going to say to him when you saw your fiancé? How were you going to start? Is he still upset at you for leaving for a few days?

Your courage was gradually leaving you and your sprinting had now turned into a dawdling walk. You took out your phone, debating if you should call or message him first. What if he wasn't at home? Would you wait at the apartment or go back to Kuroko's?

Somehow, the apartment didn't feel so welcoming anymore. You were the one that left so it felt wrong to casually strut back in. This was the first time you and Akashi had argued like this and you were confused on how to fix it. Maybe you should open yourself up to him and let him be aware that you were ready to talk. Besides, it was you who requested time alone.

Cold drops of liquid prickle your skin, making you shiver at the contact. You looked up and noticed how visibly gray the sky was before running to find shelter as soon as the clouds opened. The rain caused everyone to scatter, also aiming to locate a dry haven. You suddenly stopped at the entrance of a park, staring at a lonesome figure settled on a bench.

--

Akashi refused to be inside that quiet apartment. It felt foreign to him, as if he didn't belong. The place where he knew he belonged was with you, but now that you weren't present, it was merely a venue for sleep. Even then, sleep was hard for him to achieve.

Kuroko's words struck at his moral sense, realizing how much of a mistake he made. He couldn't believe how much of an impact his error had on yours and his relationship. What was he going to do now? Akashi knew you well enough to know that if someone severely wronged you, your attitude towards them would change. He wouldn't be able to accept that.

His body was being attacked by the rain, drenching his work attire and dampening his hair, making it heavy and press against his face.

"Sei-kun...?" He releases his head from leaning against his knuckles, staring up at the woman he was longing for.

"__(y/n)..." You watch him reach out to you, but he stops when he remembers that you still haven't forgiven him yet. A little part of him believed his interference with you and Kuroko was just, but he'll gladly bury his pride and admit defeat. You were the only person capable of making him do so.

You were his love, his woman, his empress, and his entire world. He would do anything and everything to keep you, even if he had to beg on his knees. You were someone worthy and there was no one else that could match you. Even if there was, you were the only one fit for him. This might be displayed as a sign of weakness, but this meant how much power you also held.

You weren't afraid to show your emotions or oppose him. You had dignity, which Akashi greatly respected and admired.

"I apologize." This wasn't the first time Akashi has apologized to you, but at the moment, his eyes held so much guilt, regret, and sincerity.

"No more secrets, okay? Is there anything else that you've kept from me?"

"No, that was all."

"Then why? Sei-kun, why did you have to hide it?"

"Because I refused to see you with another man. I wanted you to be mine, so I did anything to eliminate the rest of the competition. You should understand, __(y/n), that you're a beautiful, bright, and humble woman. You're someone worth fighting for."

"I get it, but it still wasn't right or fair to Tetsu-kun and I."

"Then you would have accepted his confession?"

"I think I would have."

You see a small flinch pass through Akashi's eyes.

"But if you had confessed to me back then, too, then I think my choice is obvious." You stepped closer to his sitting form, brushing away strands of ruby from his eyes. "Tetsu-kun might have been my first love, but you have my heart forever."

He stares up at you with that intense color you have missed so much and you feel him embrace you tightly around your waist. He pulls you close, burying his face in your abdomen. Akashi's lifted burden made him feel light, processing your forgiveness.

"I'm sorry, too, Sei-kun. I ignored you and made you worry. I was also staying at Tetsu-kun's house, but we didn't do anything. All he did was comfort me. Actually, he was the one who pushed me to talk to you."

"You don't have to apologize to a pitiful emperor like me. I should know better than to hurt my queen." You feel him take your hand, kissing your fingers. "Did he now? Then I guess I should be grateful to him."

"Yes, we both have to be grateful to him. But for now, let's go home?" you asked.

"Yes, let's." He agrees, standing up while his hands still stayed connected with yours. Before you lead the way to your apartment, a gentle tug makes you turn back to your lover.

"I love you." He says, giving your hand a delicate squeeze and you could still see faint remnants of worry in his eyes.

He receives a tiny smile from you and you take on step closer to him. Your free hand gently strokes his cheek, pushing your lips lightly against his.

"I love you, too." you take a short moment to disconnect the kiss, but as soon as your words finished, you planted them right back on his. The anger and hurt were no longer present, instead they are replaced with a feeling of want and love.

Before you could drown further into the kiss, a startling boom and flashing behind the dark clouds alerts you. You yelp when you the rain pours heavier than before, Seijuro taking off his jacket and securing it over your head. Although it was pointless since you were already soaked and the water was getting through the cloth, the gesture was still sweet.

"Shall we start running to the car, Mrs. Akashi?" He grins at your slightly embarrassed face, the name change still not settling in you yet. The ends of your lips eventually curve up, the thought of Mrs. Akashi inflated your pride slightly.

"Mm! Ready? Set, go!" You both dash towards Akashi's vehicle, fingers still laced together and laughing happily on the way.

Yes, Kuroko was the one you fell for first, but Akashi is the one who you choose to be your one and only.